Good Morning, !

Today is Monday, November 19

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Escort agency 'sets up advert outside nursery 
to recruit vulnerable mums'

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Today, November 19 in
1954 Two automatic toll collectors were placed in service on
the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey.  
More of today in history at History
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The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the
unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to
himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable
man.
--- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950),
______________________________________________________

>From Barb
IDLE THOUGHTS OF A RETIRED PERSON
Oldies but goodies

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what
to feed it.

I had amnesia once -- or twice.

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when
he
grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.

Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is
gone.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other
people.

When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to
look like a nail.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

How can there be self-help "groups"?

Is there another word for synonym?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

The speed of time is one-second per second.

Is it possible to be totally partial?

Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain
whales?

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll
show you a man who can't get his pants off.

It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

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A guy was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat
beside him.  The new guy was a wreck, pale, hands shaking,
biting his nails and moaning in fear. "Hey, pal, what's the
matter?" said the first guy.

"OmiGod....  I've been transferred to Los Angeles, California,"
the second answered.  "They've got race riots, drugs.  
The highest crime rate....."

"Hold on," said the first.  "I've been in L.A all my life, and
its not bad as the media says.  Find a nice home, go to work, 
mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school 
and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."

The second guy stopped shaking for a moment and said 
"Oh, thank God.  I was worried to death, but if you live 
there and say it's ok, I'll take your word for it.  
.....What do you do for a living?"

"...Me?" said the first, "...I'm a tail gunner on a garbage
truck."

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Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find 
comfort in sitting in my back yard and having a vodka and 
cranberry along with a quiet conversation with Jesus. This 
happened to me again after a paticularly difficult day. 

I said 'Jesus, why do I work so hard?' 

And I heard the reply: 'Men find many ways to demonstrate 
the love they have for their family. You work hard to have a 
peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to
gather.'

I said: 'I thought that money was the root of all evil.' 

And the reply was: 'No, the LOVE of money is the root of all
evil. 
Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad'. 

I was starting to feel better, but I still had that one burning
question, so I asked it . 'Jesus,' I said, 'what is the meaning
of life? Why am I here?'

He replied: 'That is a question many men ask. The answer is in
your heart and is different for everyone and I would love to
chat with you some more, but for now, Senor.... I have to
finish your lawn.' 

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Donny for this picture of his early Christmas Cactus




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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

'La Femme escorts',
Liverpool
England

Escort agency 'sets up advert outside nursery 
to recruit vulnerable mums'

An escort agency has been accused of attempting to recruit
mothers by leaving an advertising van outside a nursery for two
weeks. The van, which advertised an agency called 'La Femme
escorts', was parked outside Pagoda Arts Centre in Liverpool
which functions as a nursery for local parents. Parents coming
in and out of the nursery were met by the van   which clearly
displayed contact details   on a number of occasions, prompting
concerns they were being 'recruited'.

Councillor Steve Munby, who had the van removed following
complaints from Pagoda staff, said he feared the agency was
targeting young mums. He said: 'They are trying to recruit
people and we are worried about that. It's not just that it's
offensive. 'I can't think why else they would put them there if
not to target mums or people who need to consider doing that
for financial reasons.

Normally you'd think they would put them in places where you
have a flow of people or potential customers but this isn't
that. 'They are trying to recruit people.' After walking past
on Saturday lunchtime mum-of-two Joan Halfon said she thought
the van was 'outrageous'. She said: 'You come to town to do
some shopping, so of course you take your kids with you but you
don't expect to see this.

'In phone boxes or on the internet maybe, but not where
children could just be out walking with their parents.' The
manager of Pagoda, who did not wish to be named, confirmed that
staff had reported the van to the council after it was left
parked outside the nursery for two weeks. She said nursery
parents were left 'upset' by the van, which staff thought had
been abandoned outside. She added: 'We have no idea why it was
parked there. If they want to advertise they would have parked
it somewhere more busy.' Featuring six naked women covered by
furs, the poster said the company offers 'luxury' services 24
hours a day, seven days a week. A spokesman for Liverpool
Council said: 'Where vehicles are contravening parking
regulations or causing an obstruction we will take action to
have them moved on.'


Harald
Re: Ordering from European stores over the web

Dear Webby
I am trying to order some Christmas presents for some
relatives in Europe. Is it safe to order them from one of their
mail-order stores over the web?
Harald

Dear Harald
NO!!!

Not from Nigerian stores either.

Just buy the gifts here and mail them. Shipping and duty is
a lot less, and a LOT less frustrating.
Europe is ahead of us with phones, but 10 or more years
behind with on-line commerce, partly because their banks 
are so barbaric.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

Thanks to Boris for this story:
When I picked up my Ford Escort at the service station
after some minor repairs, I paid by check as usual.

A couple of weeks later, I came home from work
and got hit with the frying pan.

After that, she gave me the silent treatment until I 
figured out why she was so angry.

She had noticed the canceled check and, on the memo 
line I had written "Escort Service."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




There is the story of a parson who got up one Sunday and 
announced to his congregation: 

"I have good news and bad news. 
"The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our 
new church roof. 

"The bad news is, the money is still out there in your
pockets." 

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Fun Uses for Buttons 
Buttons make great wall decorations or plates in doll houses. 
You can string them together to make a button bracelet or 
sew them on fabric. You could also substitute them for lost 
game pieces or use them as poker chips. 

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________





2018 Comedy Wildlife Awards plus previous years.

___________________________________________________

Benny and Mark were at the bar chatting about how much 
 their wives thought of  them. Mark said, "My wife, she thinks 
 so much of me that she won't let me do any  work around 
 the house. It's  great!"
 
 Not to be out done, Benny said, "That's nothing.  My wife 
 simply worships me..."

 Confused Mark asked, "She worships you? C'mon, what  
 makes you say that?"

 "Easy. Every night she places a burnt offering before me."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.


Patty had been wanting new kitchen cabinets for a long time,
but her husband Don, insisted they were an extravagance. 
She went to visit her dad for two weeks and when she returned, 
she was overjoyed to find that Don had surprised her by 
installing beautiful new cabinets as a Christmas present for
her. 

A few days later, Debbie, a neighbor came over to visit and 
after admiring the new cabinets, the neighbor added, 
"All of us were so glad that the fire your husband had while 
you were gone was confined to the kitchen. 




Today November 19 in

1794 Britain's King George III signed the Jay Treaty. It
resolved the issues left over from the Revolutionary War. 

1850 The first life insurance policy for a woman was issued.
Carolyn Ingraham, 36 years old, bought the policy in Madison,
NJ. 

1863 U.S. President Lincoln delivered his Gettysburg Address as
he dedicated a national cemetery at the site of the Civil War
battlefield in Pennsylvania. 

1893 The first newspaper color supplement was published in the
Sunday New York World. 

1895 The "paper pencil" was patented by Frederick E. Blaisdell.


1919 The U.S. Senate rejected the Treaty of Versailles with a
vote of 55 in favor to 39 against. A two-thirds majority was
needed for ratification. 

1928 "Time" magazine presented its cover in color for the first
time. The subject was Japanese Emperor Hirohito. 

1942 During World War II, Russian forces launched their winter
offensive against the Germans along the Don front. 

1954 Two automatic toll collectors were placed in service on
the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey. 

1959 Ford Motor Co. announced it was ending the production of
the unpopular Edsel. 

1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles Conrad and Alan Bean made
man's second landing on the moon. 

1970 Hafiz al-Assad seized power in Syria. 

1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab
leader to set foot in Israel on an official visit. 

1981 U.S. Steel agreed to pay $6.3 million for Marathon Oil. 

1985 U.S. President Reagan and Soviet leader Mikhail S.
Gorbachev met for the first time as they began their summit in
Geneva. 

1990 NATO and the Warsaw Pact signed a treaty of nonaggression.


1993 The U.S. Senate approved a sweeping $22.3 billion anti-
crime measure. They outlawed crime!

1994 The U.N. Security Council authorized NATO to bomb rebel
Serb forces striking from neighboring Croatia. 

1997 In Carlisle, IA, septuplets were born to Bobbi McCaughey.
It was only the second known case where all seven were born
alive. 

1998 The impeachment inquiry of U.S. President Clinton began. 

1998 Vincent van Gogh's "Portrait of the Artist Without Beard"
sold at auction for more than $71 million. 

1999 In Istanbul, Turkey, the Organization for Security and
Cooperation in Europe (OSCE) concluded a two-day summit after
adopting a new arms accord. During the conference, Russia was
criticized for its military campaign against Chechnya's
separatist movement. 

2002 The oil tanker Prestige broke into two pieces and sank off
northwest Spain. The tanker lost about 2 million gallons of
fuel oil when it ruptured November 13th and was towed about 150
miles out to sea. 

2002 The U.S. government completed its takeover of security at
424 airports nationwide. 

2003 Eight competing designs for a memorial to the victims of
the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks at the World Trade
Center were unveiled. One design would be built at the site of
the World Trade Center. 

2007 The Amazon Kindle was first released.

2018  smiled.


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Well, 
, that's all for today.



Have FUN !

Dear Webby from Webby.com


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