Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, September 26

Tomorrow, after I send out the Wednesday issue, 
I have to go for injections into my eyeballs again.
That means nothing will be sent out Thursday, Friday or
Saturday. Sunday I will be back.

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man arrested after killing tenant
during eviction dispute
 Bonehead
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Today, Sept 26 in
1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of
Seoul from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
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______________________________________________________
Every generation laughs at the old fashions, 
but follows religiously the new.
--- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)

I don't care what is written about me so long 
as it isn't true.
--- Dorothy Parker
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Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son
who lived far away called his brother and told him,
"Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill."

Later, he got a bill for $200, which he paid.  The next
month, he got another bill for $200, which he also paid,
figuring it was some incidental expense.

Bills for $200 kept arriving every month, and finally the
man called his brother again to find out what was going on.

"Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something
nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."
_____________________________________________________

An airline pilot with poor eyesight managed to pass his
periodic vision exams by memorizing the eye charts
beforehand. One year, though, his doctor used a new
chart that the pilot had never before seen. The pilot
proceeded to recite the old chart and the doctor realized
that he'd been suckered all these years.

Then the doctor could not contain his curiosity. "How is
it that someone with your eyesight can manage to pilot
a plane at all? I mean, how for example do you taxi the
plane out to the runway?"

"Well," said the pilot, "it's really not very hard. All you
have to do is follow the instructions of the ground
controller over the radio. And besides, the landmarks
have all become quite familiar to me over the years."

"I can understand that," replied the doctor. "But what
about the take-off?"

"Again, a simple procedure. I just aim the plane down the
runway, go to full throttle, pull back on the stick, and off
we go!"

"But once you're aloft?"

"Oh, everything's fully automated these days. The flight
computer knows our destination, and all I have to do is
hit the auto-pilot and the plane pretty much flies itself."

"But I still don't see how you land!"

"Oh, that's the easiest part of all. All I do is use the
airport's radio beacon to get us on the proper glide
path. Then I just throttle down and wait for the co-pilot
to yell, 'AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!', then I pull the
nose up, and the plane lands just fine!"

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the
first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him
mutter "Hoover!" under his breath.

On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water
hazard. "Hoover!" again, a little louder this time.

On the third hole, a miracle occured and Fr. Murphy's drive
landed on the green only six inches from the hole!

"Praise be to God!"

He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around
the hole instead of going in.

"HOOVER!!!!"

By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity
any longer, and asked why the priest said "Hoover".

"It's the biggest dam I know."

______________________________________________________




Off to supper!
_____________________________________________________


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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by

Ryan Wilder,
32,
Duck Key,
Florida

Florida man arrested after killing tenant
during eviction dispute

Ryan Wilder was in a Florida Keys jail Saturday, accused of
killing his parents' tenant in Duck Key. 

Monroe County Sheriff's Office deputies said Wilder, 32, was
evicting Kenneth Palicki and Colleen Lyons from his parents'
property at 162 North Indies Drive when the shooting
happened Friday evening. 

Wilder was removing their things when Palicki, 47, got home
and told Lyons, 25, to call the police. During the 911 call,
Lyons said Wilder shot Palicki several times.

"Lyons then saw Wilder walk out to his truck, gun still in
his hand, and get in," sheriff's spokeswoman Becky Herrin
said. "She gave dispatchers a description of the truck and
its direction of travel as Wilder drove away."

Sgt. Joel Slough stopped Wilder and arrested him. 

Palicki was taken to Fisherman's Hospital in Marathon, where
doctors pronounced him dead. He had four gunshot wounds to
his left forearm, mid-back and upper thigh.

Palicki and Lyons had received an eviction notice requiring
them to leave the house by Aug. 23. 

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Helen
Re: Multiple Spam Controls
Dear Webby,
First, kudos to your forever refreshing Humor Letter.
Your willingness to help with technical advice is more
valuable than you can imagine to folks who need help and
don't know where where to turn.
I see many people raving about Mail Washer.  I have Norton
installed on my computer, which already has a spam filter.
Can I use them both without any problem?
Thanks, Webby!  You're the best!
Helen

Dear Helen
It's best to use just one spam control program at a time.
As long as Norton takes care of the spam well enough,
use that. When it gets too hard to tune it or is overwhelmed
and can't quite cope with all the spam any more, then turn
it's spam control off and get MailWasher.

If you have two of them running, then you never know 
which one has done what.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




From Bill:
After four years of separation, my wife and I finally
divorced amicably. I wanted to date again, but I had no
idea of how to start, so I decided to look in the personals
column of the local newspaper. After reading through all
the listings, I circled three that seemed possible in terms
of age and interest, but I put off calling them.

Two days later, there was a message on my answering
machine from my ex-wife. "I came over to your house to
borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in
the paper. Don't call the one in the second column.
That's me, and the last one you circled, that`s mom."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Painted Halloween Jars
These are scarecrow and pumpkin decorated electric tealight
holders. They could also be made as decorative treat jars
Materials
recycled jar and lid

spray paint (see instructions for colors)
raffia, flowers, and other decorative elements, as desired
clear sealer (optional)
electric tea light

Instructions
Wash and dry a jar of any size. Remove labels.
Spray paint jar and lid (flesh, beige for Scarecrow,
terracotta or orange for pumpkin). Allow to dry.
Glue lid (inside facing upward) to top of jar (I used E-
6000). If you desire to use these as treat jars, do not glue
lid to top of jar.
Decorate face as desired using paint pens or craft paint.
Spray lightly with a clear sealer to keep paint from
scratching.
For scarecrow, glue raffia around brim of hat, trim for
bangs. To make hat, decorate a straw hat with artificial
flowers, buttons and ribbon to your liking. I painted a
wooden triangle to resemble a crow! Attach hat to lid (I
again used E-6000).

Place electric tealight on lid. Because of the raffia and
straw hat this is extremely FLAMMABLE, I recommend using an
electric tea light instead of a regular candle.
Made in a variety of shapes and sizes, these look adorable
on a mantle or porch. And can be used year after year!
By Diana, Louisville, KY

Editor's Note: This project should never be used with a
traditional candle flame, it is very flammable. Only battery
operated tealights or other non-flame candle substites
should be used.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com


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For 
pacious guys

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Things you don't want to hear at a Tattoo Parlor
~ "Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE."
~ "We're all out of red, so I used pink."
~ "There are 2 Os in Bob, right?"
~ "Sorry, Ma'am, your chest will only hold the bottle 
    dinghy."
~ "That call was for you. Hope you meet someone else named
    Tahiti Bob."
~ "Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups."
~ "Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room
    back here."
~ "I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before."
~ "The flag's all done and, you know, the folds of fat make
    a nice waving effect."
~ "Oops ... "
__________________________________________________


 

Funny Seattle gas station sign.

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A young woman decides to try horseback riding, even though
she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the
horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into
action.

As it gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, she
begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the
horse's mane, but cannot get a firm grip. She tries to throw
her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the
side of the horse anyway!

The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious of its
slipping rider. Finally, losing her frail grip, she attempts
to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup,
and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves
as her head is struck against the ground over and over
and over.

As her head is battered against the ground and she is
mere moments away from unconsciousness, to her great
fortune, Frank the Walmart greeter, sees her and unplugs
the horse.



Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes
and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you
subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.


from Martin, the world's easiest Quiz:
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
 2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October
Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after
   which animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) What country do Chinese gooseberries come from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial
    airplane?
All done?    Check your answers below!
____________________________________________________

Dear Webby,
I really do appreciate that you select your humor so
carefully. It is never mean or derogatory, and you never
have Blonde or lawyer jokes. I am a blonde lawyer and sick
and tired of being the butt of most jokes everywhere else.
Yours are refreshingly upbeat and clean. 
Thanks!
Irene
____________________________________________________

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ:
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
Answer: 116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats?
Answer: Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
Answer: Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October
Revolution?
Answer: In November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
Answer: Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what
animal?  Answer: Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name?
Answer: Albert

8) What color is a purple finch?
Answer: Crimson

9) What country do Chinese gooseberries come from?
Answer: New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial
airplane?  
Answer: bright orange, of course.





Today, Sept 26, in 
1777 Philadelphia was occupied by British troops during the
American Revolutionary War. 

1908 Ed Eulbach of the Chicago Cubs became the first
baseball player to pitch both games of a doubleheader and
win both with shutouts. 

1908 In "The Saturday Evening Post" an ad for the Edison
Phonograph appeared. 

1918 During World War I, the Meuse-Argonne offensive against
the Germans began. It was the final Allied offensive on the
western front. 

1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of
Seoul from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict. 

1955 The New York Stock Exchange suffered its worst decline
since 1929 when the word was released concerning U.S.
President Eisenhower's heart attack. 

1960 The first televised debate between presidential
candidates Richard M. Nixon and John F. Kennedy took place
in Chicago, IL. 

1962 "The Beverly Hillbillies" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1964 "Gilligan's Island" premiered on CBS-TV. The show aired
for the last time on September 4, 1967. 

1969 "The Brady Bunch" series premiered on ABC-TV. 

1980 The Cuban government abruptly closed Mariel Harbor to
end the freedom flotilla of Cuban refugees that began the
previous April. 

1981 The Boeing 767 made its maiden flight in Everett, WA. 

1984 Britain and China initialed a draft agreement on the
future of Hong Kong when the Chinese take over ruling the
British Colony. 

1985 Shamu was born at Sea World in Orlando, FL. Shamu was
the first killer whale to survive being born in captivity. 

1990 The Motion Picture Association of America announced
that it had created a new rating. The new NC17 rating was to
keep moviegoers under the age of 17 from seeing certain
films. 

1991 Four men and four women began their two-year stay
inside the "Biosphere II." The project was intended to
develop technology for future space colonies and was
abandoned in 1993 when they got caught ordering pizza. 

1993 The eight people who had stayed in "Biosphere II"
emerged from their sealed off environment. 

1995 The warring factions of Bosnia agreed on guidelines for
elections and a future government. 

1996 Shannon Lucid returned to Earth after being in space
for 188 days. she set a time record for a U.S. astronaut in
space and in the world for time spent by a woman in space. 

2000 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Born-Alive
Infants Protection Act. The act states that an infant would
be considered to have been born alive if he or she is
completely extracted or expelled from the mother and
breathes and has a beating heart and definite movement of
the voluntary muscles. 

2000 Slobodan Milosevic conceded that Vojislav Kostunica had
won Yugoslavia's presidential election and declared a
runoff. The declared runoff prompted mass protests. 

2001 In Kabul, Afghanistan, the abandoned U.S. Embassy was
stormed by protesters. It was the largest anti-Amercian
protest since the terror attacks on New York City and
Washington, DC, on September 11. 

2001 Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and Israeli Foreign
Minister Shimon Peres announced plans to formalize a cease-
fire and end a year of fighting in the region. 

2006 Facebook was openened to everyone at least 13 years or
older with a valid email address. 

2017  smiled.
 
 

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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
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